Seeing as how Kevin and I have been married for only a little over three months, I can’t say that I have tons of experience in the marriage field. However; these past three months have been an eye opener for me but we’re in an agreement that getting married was the best decision we ever made.
I have learned a lot of stuff within the past couple of months. Some good, some bad, but like I said, mostly eye opening. Marriage is a lot about learning and growing together.
Three things I have learned:
- It’s okay to do things by yourself. I used to think that marriage involved being around each other 24/7. And while you do spend a lot of time together, it’t definitely okay to go out with the girls by yourself, or for him to spend some time with the guys. Actually, I think it’s important to be away from each other. It’s healthy. It makes your relationship stronger. I went away for a trip a couple of months ago, and Kevin and I began to miss each other a lot. Even after three years of being together, after being apart for so long we get excited to see each other again. It’s a great feeling. Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder.
- It’s best to keep things between the two of you. One of the most important things I learned is to not tell your family and friends all that’s going on in your life. While Kevin is my best friend and I tell him everything, it can be so tempting to tell other people things I shouldn’t. I sometimes let things slip and let me tell you, the consequences are miserable. I am however, getting better at keeping things to myself, not being so outward with everything that goes on. Like Kevin says, “I don’t care who it is, keep everybody on a need to know basis.” So true. Just because it’s family or somebody you trust, doesn’t mean you need to tell them everything. If you tell one person in your family something, not wanting it to get out, eventually every family member will be in the know. I guarantee it, so just think about it before you spill the beans.
- Consider your spouse your best friend. Of course I have girlfriends but I would definitely consider Kevin my BEST FRIEND. I think it is super important to make your spouse your best friend. Marrying somebody that I could be friends with was something I always wanted. If you simply marry for the idea of love or infatuation, well, those things fade. When you have a friend, somebody to go home and talk to, somebody who is trustworthy, it makes all the difference. I have learned to finally tell Kevin EVERYTHING. I never used to tell my boyfriends everything going on in my life, that included all my thoughts, ideas, and inspirations. I have finally become this open book, for my spouse only of course. Kevin knows everything about me. How I’m feeling, what I’m thinking, and you know what? It’s the best thing I’ve encountered. To be so open and free about myself with one person is amazing. It only started about a month ago, but it feels great to be able to trust somebody with anything and everything. Know what’s even better? He understands, he listens, he gives me a new perspective or a new insight on things, and we’ve grown so close that I feel as if nothing can tare us apart.
Those are just a few of the things I’m learning. (More to come.)
You know something I don’t understand? Why do people describe marriage as being “work?” I’ve heard complaints from married couples like, “I always have to tell him where I’m going.”
“I can’t go and do whatever I want anymore.”
“I have to think about him/her too much.”
“They’re there when I get home and when I wake up.”
“You can’t take a break anymore.”
While all those things are true, why is it so bad? Kevin and I firmly believe that the couples who say those things, either:
A. Married the wrong person.
B. Got married for all the wrong reasons.
Do I always tell Kevin where I’m going? Yes. Kevin and I have an honest relationship, and why should you have to hide things from your spouse? Unless you’re trying to keeps things on the down low for a special surprise, there is no reason that your spouse shouldn’t have the right to know where you are.
Do I feel like I can’t go out to clubs and such? Yes, but why would I want to? A woman who wants to go out and be hit on is asking for trouble. If you’re going out with your girlfriends, that’s different. Just make sure to stick together and the moment you get hit on make sure you’re strong enough to turn him away.
Do I have to think about him all the time? Of course, but in a good way. Don’t get me wrong, it can be really hard to put another person before yourself. You have to be selfless and learn that your husband should come first, just like the husband needs to put his wife before himself. If you don’t want to do that, or feel like you can’t, you should rethink marriage. There’s an unbearable amount of discipline required and you have to take that into consideration.
Is he there all the time? Yep. He’s there when I wake up and when I go to sleep. That being said, Kevin and I know when the other needs some alone time. We’ve agreed it’s nothing personal, we just like being by ourselves sometimes and that’s okay. I can be in the office writing while he’s playing video games on the couch and we’re perfectly fine. We’re close, but far enough away to give each other some space.
Can we take a break? No, why would I want to? Granted when Kevin and I have an argument it never usually lasts for more than a few hours. But say things do get a little rough here and there, that’s no excuse to “take a break.” Marriage doesn’t work that way. Kevin and I agreed when we first started dating that if either one of us wanted a break, we should break up because you can’t leave for awhile when things get rough while being in a marriage.
So, to sum everything up, is marriage always easy? Absolutely not! Are there arguments? Yep! Are there times we don’t even want to be around each other? It happens, but I honestly believe if you marry the right person, marriage doesn’t have to be hard. It can be fun, exciting, and marrying your best friend can be the best thing you ever did for yourself!